Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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