Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize