my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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