every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
