every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
