that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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