I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
