I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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