I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize