if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
