i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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