U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
