I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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