I only kidnapped one of them. chill
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Its about making memories worth repressing
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize