He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
