it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I need to align my fucking chakras
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
