The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
