I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
