I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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