I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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