My nipple is on Facebook.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
