Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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