we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
