# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
