but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
