your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
