another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
