u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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