So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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