Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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