dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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