I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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