WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well I just put wine in my tea
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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