Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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