i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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