I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
