i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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