I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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