Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
