omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We just shotgunned beers for America
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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