I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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