that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
