The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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