I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
