Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
