I want to make a zoo with you.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
