"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
