belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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