I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
