I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We are all done wearing pants today
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
