Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
