one two three fourrrrnication!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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