i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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