I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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