your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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