READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
