your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
