she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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