Duck Duck Cougar?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
