how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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