I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
