he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize