I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
