It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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