so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
