I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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