I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
