she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
porn star boner night. come get it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
