There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
