make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
