when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
