dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
