we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
