sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize