omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
