The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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