Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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