You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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