I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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