i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
