I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
