Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.

(281): View more from Texas

No. Just liquor. Time's no good.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.

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(253): View more from Washington

girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends

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(713): View more from Texas

Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.

Fav 10 3829 1234
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(308): View more from Nebraska

Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.

Fav 8 3791 1231
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"

Fav 3 2994 1062
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(813): View more from Florida

I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?

Fav 16 2004 1102
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(504): View more from Louisiana

No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you

Fav 2 630 525
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(410): View more from Maryland

There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me

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