another moral hangover. fuck.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
