I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
