you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize