a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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