My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
