im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
