he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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