Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
