After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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