one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
