I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
