Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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