2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
