I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize