when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
tell me about the eggs
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
