The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
