My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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