I think my vagina is haunted
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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