things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
