Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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