apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
